


In which John's car gets a little cramped

by missydogblog



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, College Adventures, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Slow Build, beta kids OT4 - Freeform, no one is related
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:58:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4329435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missydogblog/pseuds/missydogblog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John, Jade, Rose, and Dave can all agree love is dumb and complicated.</p>
<p>But it just might be worth it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This isn't preschool

**Author's Note:**

> Please enjoy this clusterfuck of a collegestuck AU. This will probably be fairly long, as there's gonna be slow build, but it's worth it I swear

_“Her words spill in conversation between women_

_whose hands are all they got_

_sometimes our hands are all we got_

_and accents remind us that we are still bomba, still plenta,”_

It’s late in the evening when John opens his eyes and leisurely looks above him at the cloudless sky obstructed by the tree branches swaying above him. From where he’s positioned, the sun is in the perfect spot as so it doesn’t shine in his eyes but instead shines on the leaves so all he can see is bright, bright green and blue. His arms and legs are crossed, his head propped up on his locked forearms. He closes his eyes again and listens to poetry that Rose recommended to him; he was skeptical at first but soon found he really enjoyed it. Looking once again at the sky, he guesses the time is around 6:30, meaning soon he’ll have to head back to his dorm. And then he’ll have to talk to his roommate, and then write the paper due-

John scowls and squeezes his eyes shut. No no no _nono!_  This was supposed to be relaxing time! John had been working his ass off all week studying for all the last minute tests before spring break, Rose basically forced him to take a break. And she was right- he did deserve this! Taking a deep breath, John forces himself to relax and concentrate on the rhythmic voice speaking in his ear. “JOOOOHN!”

John’s eyes pop open. That wasn’t it.

Sitting up and pulling his earbuds out, John scanned the horizon for the owner of the voice before spotting Jade, waving frantically. “JOOOOHN!” she yells again, now running towards him even faster, and John realizes too late that she means to full-on tackle him. “John!” she says smiling while sitting on John’s chest. “Jade,” John wheezes. “Fabulous to see you as always.” John tries wiggling to dislodge the college student from on top of him, but she smiles deviously and pulls her hands towards him, curling her fingers like claws. John catches on and gives Jade the death glare. “Jade. No.”

Jade only smiles wider and zips her fingers to his sides, successfully tickling the shit out of him. John’s yelps and Jade’s triumphant laughter could be heard from across campus. Finally, John bucks Jade off and she goes bolting across the grass, John hot on her heels. “I am going to flipping murder you!” John screeches but with a wide grin still on his face.

>>>>>

John doubles over with his hands on his knees, panting heavily. “No fair Jade,” He whines. “Why do you have to be so good at track?” Jade giggles, also out of breath. They stand in front of Rose’s dorm room, waiting for her to let them in.

Rose and Dave were both one year ahead of Jade and John, so their dorms were farther from theirs. Not that they really minded all that much, it gave them a place to run during their impromptu foot races across campus. Still, it got a little annoying when any of them felt lazy but also wanted company.

Rose eventually opens the door, wearing her “studying clothes” which consisted of a pink tanktop and black sweatpants with white cats on them. Not that Rose really needed to study that much; both she and Dave were geniuses of sorts. Rose mostly wore her studying clothes to knit and read obscure books about god knows what.

“Jade, John. Lovely to see you both. My roommate just left so we’ll be alone, if you want to come inside?” she says, gesturing towards the inside of her dorm. Her voice is smooth and polite, which to John seems so unfair. He’s nineteen and his voice _still_ cracks sometimes. Both he and Jade nod and move to sit on Rose’s couch. After a few minutes puttering around the kitchen, Rose brings John and Jade tea, John’s with no cream but lots of sugar and Jade’s black with a little cinnamon. They both accept the tea and start to talk pleasantly for about an hour.

 

>>>>>

 

“...So then I thought that Sollux had taken my movie!” John animates his story with his hands, now having drank all the tea. “That scoundrel.” Rose says seriously but smirks as she continues knitting. “But no,” John continues. “It was actually Dave!”

And John wouldn’t have noticed it, if he hadn’t been looking at Jade just at that moment, but something flashed across Jade’s face that made him stop his story. “Jade?” he asks, causing her to look up. “Is there something wrong?” he asks. Jade’s eyes widen and she shakes her head. “What? No!” John squints and studies her face. After a long silence John speaks slowly, “Did...Did something happen… with Dave?” Rose is very interested now, fixing Jade with “the look” they were all familiar with.

Jade blushes lightly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Uhh, well I…” she adjusts her glasses nervously. “You slept with Dave.” Rose states suddenly, setting her knitting down with a smirk.

John was glad he had already finished his tea, or he would have choked on it. “Oh my god, Jade, what?!” he splutters, staring at her for a confirmation or a denial.

“I did NOT sleep with him!” Jade yells, covering her face. “We just… It was at Feferi’s birthday party… Dave had a few drinks and, he kissed me! And that’s all!” she says earnestly, figeting the colorful bands on her fingers.

John and Rose stare at her for a bit longer, equally unreadable expressions on their faces. “But,” Rose breaks the silence. “You wish it had gone further?”

John glances between Jade and Rose with wide eyes before turning back to Jade.

“Jade?! Do you like Dave?” John looks at her with an expression that could only be called flabbergastion. Jade would have laughed in a different context.

Jade lets out a sound somewhere between a growl and a sigh, frustrated and just wanting to change the subject. “Jesus Christ, John, I don’t ‘like’ Dave, this isn’t preschool!”

John almost looks dejected, glancing down at the floor with the smallest pout.

“I just… think he’s cute, is all!” Rose nods, picking up her knitting again with an noncommittal ‘hm’. John looks up with a smirk, slowly standing and putting his hands on his hips. “Well Rose, this has been lovely, but I think I must return to my dorm. Big day tomorrow!”

Throughout his speech, John’s smirk turned into a sort of shit-eating grin as he mimed tipping his hat to Jade. Jade growls and harshly grabs John’s wrist.

“John,” she hisses. “If you _dare_ tell Dave _any_ of this...” Jade trails off threateningly and fixes him with a glare that could melt steel.

**  
** Taking on an offended tone but keeping his expression unchanged, John raises his free hand to his heart. “Why Jade, who do you take me for?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapters short and boring but it's cute so take it anyway

It was late.

_Really_ late.

 

And yet the clicking noise of John’s fingers tapping the keys of his laptop shows no sign of stopping. John looks for the 13th time at the glowing red numbers of his alarm clock and tries his best to suppress a whine. It’s almost 3am and his paper is nowhere near complete. John sighs and harshly rubs his eyes.

“Fucking chritht, John, do you know what time it is?”

Not expecting a sound, John jumps in his seat and just barely catches his second coffee before it spilled on the floor. John turns to glare at the source of the assholish laughter behind him.

“Jumpy much?” Sollux grins, looking tired but much more well-rested than John.

John groans and turns back to his work. “Sorry Sollux, - _god_ \- did I wake you up?”

Sollux snorts and makes his way over to the fridge. “Nah not really. You want anything?” John shakes his head.

“No, eating might make me tired.” John continues typing and pauses to sip his coffee. Not hearing a reply from his roommate, John re-immerses himself into his project once more. His closes his eyes for just a few seconds and tries to will away the oncoming headache he can feel around his temples.

“ _Heya babe_ ,” a voice suddenly whispers in his ear.

This time John jumps so high he is knocked from his chair and falls to the floor in a fit of screaming.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” Dave asks through a fit of giggles, looking down at John with an unapologetic grin on his face. John lets out a groan as he sits up and rubs his head.

“I’m fine, how the fuck did you get in here?” John shoots him a glare.

“Sollux let me in.” Dave says with a shrug and extends a hand to help John off the floor. “I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d come see my favorite bro in the world.” John gets back in his chair and shakes his head.

“At three in the morning? You couldn't have known I’d be up!” Dave raises an eyebrow.

“Well… You are, and that’s all that matters.” Dave saunters to the couch and plops himself down like he owns the place. John rolls his eyes and turns back to his work.

“Well I can’t entertain you right this second- I have a paper to write!”

Dave  nods in mock seriousness. “Mmm, yes I can see that. What is it, Biology?” John nods and types the next sentence.

“Some bullshit about the food chain. I really don’t care that much about it, but I flunked the last project and there’s no way I can fail this class.”

Dave sighs loudly. “Does that mean we can’t have some quality bro-time tonight?” John turns in his swivel chair and shoots him a deadpan expression. Dave grins and John turns back to his computer. “Aight I get it. Would it be cool if I slept here for the night?”

John sighs and glances over. “Yeah okay. Just don’t cause anymore distractions.”

>>>>>

It’s 4:36 am when John snaps his laptop shut with an incredible sense of achievement. His paper was 100% finished before the deadline, and he still has about three hours to sleep. John stands and raises his arms high above his head. Breathing deep; he can feel his muscles relaxing and he can hear his back make a satisfying popping sound.

He carefully looks over to the couch where he can see a mop of white-blonde hair and his friend’s body curled up tight. He winces when he realized he forgot to offer him a blanket or pillow. He was probably going to wake up with a killer kink in his neck. John decides he can’t lift his head without waking him, but moves to grab an extra blanket.

After letting the fleece fabric settle over Dave, John finally takes a moment to really look at him.

Dave had left his sunglasses folded on the coffee table, leaving his long, white eyelashes exposed. Even with his face squashed into the arm of the couch, Dave still looks incredibly peaceful- soft breaths rustling the hair around his face. His hands were curled next to his head- not unsimilar to how a toddler would probably sleep. The sight in general was admittedly pretty cute.

John feels his face heat up when he realizes just how long he’d been staring at his best friend- and thinking about how cute he was! John stands up so quickly he sees black for a second. This was college, damnit! Not the time for stupid crushes! Not that John had a crush on his friend no aaugh.

**  
**John decides he’s been awake for long enough and runs to his bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter ft. John getting hypothermia probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should be up later today or tomorrow

The days passed as usual as the campus made its descent into winter the same way the students went about their lives; slowly. There’s just something about the cold air and the stark white skies that reminds you to take it easy; rest for a while. The season even goes as far as to offer a blanket of snow.

 

In the university, everyone had succumbed to the winter’s hibernation call.

 

Well; almost everyone.

 

John’s yellow All-Stars pound against the ground, making loud crunching sounds as he tramples the snow and ice underfoot. The cold turns his nose and ears pink and his breath in front of him visible, lungs heaving as he races across campus in what no sane person would call acceptable winter attire. Of course John doesn’t care, who needs more than a tank-top and jeans when a matter this important needs to be addressed!

 

He nearly slips on ice as he skids to a stop in front of Rose’s dormitory, quickly righting himself before rushing to dorm 203.

 

John pounds on the door like he has a thousand times before and waits.

 

Rose barely has time to greet him before he yanks the door open further and rushes inside. It’s incredibly rare for Rose to be caught off-guard; so she quickly schools he expression to the usual “I can see your hideous secrets in your eyes” look. “J-”

 

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” John immediately cuts her off loudly.

 

It’s the second time tonight- John ought to buy a lottery ticket. This time Rose doesn’t even bother to hide it- eyebrows shooting up and hands flying to her mouth. “ _John not so loud my roommate is asleep!_ ” She hisses.

 

John glares at her but obediently drops his volume down a notch. “Did you not want me to find out?” he asks.

 

“ _John_ ,” Rose growls. “This is highly inappropriate and I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

 

“What I’m ‘talking about’, _Rose_ , is the fact that your birthday is in a week _and you didn’t think to tell me!_ ”

 

There’s a heavy silence as John pants angrily and Rose squints at him silently.

 

“I…” Rose drags out the syllable. “-didn’t think it was that important.”

 

This just seems to rile John up more. “Not impo- Rose it’s your birthday!” He waves his hands around like a lunatic. “Now I have to do a month’s worth of planning in one week!”

 

This snaps Rose to attention. “John. No. No no no nonono you are _not_ throwing me a birthday party.”

 

John gapes at her. “What?” he whispers.

 

Rose shrugs and rubs her arm. “I… just don’t like parties.”

 

John opens and closes his mouth like a fish, searching for a response. He finally takes a breath through his nose and looks at Rose through his eyelashes. “Just a small one?”

 

“John-”

 

“ _Rose_.” John begs. “I swear it’ll just be me, you, Jade and Dave! Nothing big I promise!” John gives Rose his best puppy-dog eyes through his thick glasses.

 

Rose pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Fine.” She grits out between her teeth.

 

“Haha, yes!” John claps and does a little jump.

 

“I assume you know Dave’s birthday is on the same day as mine?”

 

 

“...WHAT?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm obsessed with italicizing things  
> ALSO I KINDA FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS NO ONE IS RELATED YA INCEST WON'T BE A THING THAT WILL BE HAPPENING SORRY


	4. Shots

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nerds.

It’s not until the snow is six inches deep and the sky is a deep purple, that John opens the door of Dave’s dorm room to Rose’s exhausted face. “Happy Birthday!” he exclaims with a broad grin.

 

“Let’s just get this over with.” She grumbles, pushing past him into Dave’s cluttered living room.

 

Dave and Jade sit with crossed legs on the carpet, both clad in pyjamas. Jade gives Rose a beaming smile to match John’s, and Dave gives her a smirk and a nod. “Welcome to the party sister.” Dave greets. Rose rolls her eyes.

 

Dave and Rose met the first day of freshman year, bonding soon after finding out they were born hours apart from eachother. Paired with the fact they were pretty similar in appearance, Dave liked to tease that they were twins separated at birth; much to the annoyance of Rose. However if anyone outright asks if they’re related, they both always say yes. Only close friends know the truth.

 

“So, what do you have planned for this evening, John?” Rose joins her companions on the floor while John beams from the doorway.

 

John slowly starts to grin like he has a secret, making dread settle low in Rose’s gut. “Well Rose, since it is your birthday, you get to decide what you want to do! We have PJ’s on because we figured you’d want to stay inside!” Rose raises an eyebrow. There’s got to be a catch.

 

“Uhuh…” Rose prompts, crossing her arms.

 

John scratches his face nonchalantly. “Yep, soooo from now to eight you can basically do whatever you want.”

 

Rose glares. “What happens after eight?” she asks in the same exasperated tone a dog owner would ask ‘what’s in your mouth?’

 

John giggles. “Well, only celebrating your birthday would be selfish wouldn’t it? So it’s six now, so from now to eight we celebrate your birthday, from eight to ten we celebrate Jade’s birthday, and from ten to midnight we celebrate Dave’s birthday!” John spreads his arms.

 

“Wait,” Rose looks wide-eyed at Jade. “It’s your birthday too?”

 

Jade grins. “I was given up anonymously to an orphanage, so I have no idea what my real birthday is!” Jade explains. “Instead of just a random date, Jake always let me pick one day out of the year to celebrate. One time, I had one birthday December 31st, and another January 1st, and since it was a different year it counted!” Jade giggles.

 

“I was saving it for Christmas, but when I heard you two have birthdays on the same day I thought ‘what’s one more?’”

 

Only Rose seems to look surprised. “Well, that’s… certainly something.” she takes a quick glance at Dave, who just shrugs.

 

“So! what would you like to do!” John butts in, sitting down next to Dave and staring expectantly at Rose.

 

Surprised from the attention, Rose puts her face in her hands and sighs deeply.

 

“Do you have any alcohol?”

 

>>>>>

 

“Damn Rose, you sure know how to party.” Dave says sarcastically as the end credits of the documentary play and he sets down his third glass of wine.

 

“Hey hey hey!” John scolds from the couch. “No criticising! You’ll get your fun when it’s your birthday time!”

 

“You tell him John.” Jade chirps from the floor.

 

Dave groans low and long. “God, why did I have to pick the last turn.”

 

“You can trade if you want.” Jade says from next to Dave.

 

“Nah,” Dave waves his hand in dismissal. “Mine’s the best part of the night. I just wish miss middle-aged mom over here chose something more exciting than Netflix and chill.”

 

Rose snorts. “If I’m not mistaken, ‘Netflix and chill’ would be considered very exciting by your standards.” Rose yelps and laughs as she dodges a pillow tossed at her head.

 

“You know what I meant!” Dave growls as Jade and John howl with laughter.

 

“5 minutes into Netflix and chill and he gives you this look.” John laughs harder as he points to a smiling cherub on the wine bottle.

 

Even Dave started cracking up and soon the whole room was filled with hysterical laughter.

 

“Wh-wait WAIT.” Jade huffed out through her giggling and slapped Dave’s leg in quick repetition. “LOOK!” Jade pointed at the clock and everyone’s laughter quieted down. Dave’s tacky neon guitar clock glowed “8:03”.

 

“IT’S MY BIRTHDAY.” Jade roared and stood up, pounding her chest. “IF YOU NOT DRUNK LADIES AND GENTLEMEN- GET READY TO GET FUCKED UP.”

 

John laughed. “When I walk into the club,” he joins in terribly. “All eyes on me!”

 

“I’m with the party rock crew!” Jade and John harmonize. “ALL DRINKS ARE FREE!”

 

“We like sheughre ehmble” they both dissolve into giggles as they both forget the next line.

 

“Everybody it’s on!” Dave suddenly sings.

 

“SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOT SHOTS SHOTS,” It’s honestly a miracle no one’s pounded on their walls or filed a noise complaint.

 

All eyes are on Rose as they screech the chorus. “Oh nonono.” Rose waves her hand, but they continue laughing and singing while they lean in closer and closer.

 

“SHOT SHOT SHOTS SHOTS,” they all suddenly quiet, staring at Rose with expectant looks on their faces.

 

“Everybody.” Rose mutters.

 

Jade collapses into Rose’s lap and kisses her cheek. “IT’S TIME TO PAAAARTAY.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big apology to all my instagram followers that were promised a strip club I decided not to go with it my piehole is a liehole

John’s car is blessedly warm as the snow on their shoes melts and soaks their socks. They had all discarded their pyjamas in favor of thick winter layers and rosy cheeks. John, not trusting anyone not to wreck his beautiful (mediocre) hotrod (SUV), is driving with Jade in the passenger seat; while Rose and Dave sit in the back.

"Alright," John says, hands faithfully on ten and two. "Where to?"

Jade ponders the question and taps her cheek. "You know what..." She says slowly. "I've never been to IHOP."

In the back, Dave's jaw drops open. "No fucking way. John, we need to deliver some pancakes to this girl pronto."

John giggles and puts the car into reverse. "Alright, IHOP it is!"

>>>>>

"I can't believe we got banned from IHOP." John sighs with his forehead on the steering wheel.

"It's alright John!" Jade laughs. "At least I got to try the pancakes! Although if I'm honest, I'm not really sure what the fuss is about!" Jade side-eyes Dave who just scoffs and grumbles something about 'not appreciating true art'.

John, Jade, Rose, and Dave could never come back to the IHOP on Ferris Avenue.

The visit went splendidly, until halfway through her buttermilk stack Jade loudly proclaimed to the waiter: "EXcuuuuse me sir, today is my birthday and I demand free sweets!"

That alone probably wouldn't have been enough if Dave and Rose hadn’t said "ditto", and proceeded to produce no IDs.

"You still have an hour and a half left." Rose gently reminds them. "If you'd like to do something else, now's the time."

Jade hums in consideration and looks out her window.

"Come on Harley." Dave complains. "Pick something at least a little exciting."

John gives Rose a look, who in turn dutifully flicks Dave in the face.

"It's not your birthday." John and Rose scold simultaneously.

"No no, he's right. I want this night to be special." Jade reassures, looking at Dave. Jade turns back and stares John in the eyes.

"Take me to the park."

In the back, Dave slumps in his seat with a groan.

>>>>>

Four college kids freezing their asses off can accomplish great things in the span of 30 minutes.

“It’s so beautiful,” Jade had breathed upon seeing the moon reflect on the footprint-less snow. Rose nodded in agreement next to Jade with her hands in her pockets. With a loud _click_ next to them, they looked over to see Dave with his face in a camera, tongue between his teeth. Rose chuckled softly. “Sap.” she muttered and nudged his shoulder. Dave lowered his camera and made a face at her.

“Where’s John?” Jade asked suddenly, glancing around before spotting John a few yards to their right, hands moving in the snow. John looked up as they walked over, pushing up his glasses and smiling.

“Guys, help me make a snowman!” he gestured to the snowball he was rolling on the ground.

Jade giggled. “Do y-”

“The first person to sing that godforsaken song gets a snowball to the face.” Dave cut her off with a glare.

Rose snorted. “Actually, now that I think about it Dave,” she turned to look at him. “You moved here from Austin. Have you even made a snowman before?”

Dave sniffled. “Nope.” he replied, popping the “p”.

Jade and John both gasped.

>>>>>

So here they sit now 30 minutes later; inside the unfinished walls of an igloo without a roof, snow soaking through their pants and asses freezing off.

“I’m cold.” John grumbles. He wordlessly clings to Dave pathetically, everyone too tired to care.

“Me too.” Jade whines and lays across both of them, pulling Rose by the arm.

Another three minutes pass in comfortable silence, huddled together like sardines in a freezer. They watch the stars in the gaps between the clouds.

“I’m really glad I get to spend my birthday with you guys.” Jade says into Dave’s shirt. Dave pats her hair while Rose pats her cheek.

“We wouldn’t have it any other way.” John yawns, the late hour creeping up on him. Jade giggles.

“I feel bad for our snowman.” she says, referring to the fact that they completely trashed the snowman in favor of making their snowy fortress.

“He will live on in our hearts.” Dave pipes in with a smile.

“Do you think we could go someplace warm?” Jade asks.

 **  
**“Yes.” they all say simultaneously


End file.
